The Timeless Quest for Happiness

Let’s be honest — happiness can sometimes feel like the world’s most elusive goal. We chase it, bargain for it, post about it, even pretend to have it… yet for many, it so tenuous that it slips through our fingers the moment life doesn’t quite go our way. “Finding happiness” is a more-or-less universal goal. Simple enough, but maddeningly vague. What does that actually mean? Is happiness a mood? A goal? A destination? Or a state of being we cultivate, moment by moment, breath by breath? For millennia, great philosophers and mystics, from Aristotle to the Buddha, have all whispered the same truth: happiness isn’t luck. It’s a skill. A choice to accept things as they are. A way of living intentionally in the present moment.

 

“The happy life is thought to be one of excellence; now an excellent life requires exertion, and does not consist in amusement.” — Aristotle

 

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” — Marcus Aurelius

 

So why does lasting happiness still feel like a moving target? Let’s explore — not just what happiness is, but what blocks it, how to reclaim it, and how to build a life where joy becomes your natural state.

 

Getting Some Perspective: Stop Letting Circumstances Define You

It’s easy to get tangled in bills, failed relationships, stress, and self-doubt — until we forget that these are just parts of life, not the whole story. The issue isn’t being aware of our problems; it’s obsessing over them until they become our identity.

The quickest way to rise above circumstance is to step back and change your focus. Ask different questions:

• What are my options with what I have?
• What makes me happy right now?
• Who do I want to be in this situation?

 

Asking questions doesn’t just redirect your attention — it rewires your perception. When you stop staring at the problem, you give your mind space to find solutions. Focus expands whatever it touches, so make sure your focus is on what you want, not what you fear. And as my dear friend and teacher Don Miguel Ruiz always said: “Practice makes a master.” Mastery starts with attention.

 

 

Why We Miss the Mark (And It’s Not Always Your Fault)

1. Chasing the Wrong Things

We’re trained to believe happiness lives outside of us — in a career, relationship, house, or the number of likes on a post.
The ancients called this living in illusion.

Marcus Aurelius warned that most things are beyond our control — except our judgment and response. So why chase what we can’t keep, when real happiness begins within?

“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.” — Socrates

 

2. No Inner Clarity

If you don’t know who you are or what matters to you, you’ll keep borrowing other people’s definitions of happiness — parents, culture, influencers. But that kind of happiness doesn’t last. It’s a costume you outgrow.

Ask yourself:

• What does happiness look like for me?
• What values make me feel grounded and alive?
• Am I living by those values, or by someone else’s expectations?

 

3. The Myth of Constant Joy

Expecting to be happy all the time is like expecting summer to last forever. Suffering, boredom, frustration — these are part of a full, rich life.

The Buddha didn’t promise freedom from pain, but freedom through it. The Bhagavad Gita, Stoicism, and Taoism all agree: peace isn’t found in avoiding storms — it’s in learning to walk calmly through them.

 

 

Ancient Maps to Modern Happiness

Here’s what centuries of wisdom tell us: the human search for joy hasn’t changed. The tools have simply evolved.

 

Stoicism (Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus)

Happiness = virtue + right judgment.
Know what’s in your control and what isn’t. Guard the quality of your thoughts.

“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
— Marcus Aurelius

 

Aristotle’s Eudaimonia

Happiness is about flourishing — growing into your best self through moral action, self-development, and purpose. It’s not about pleasure, but living excellently.

 

Buddhism & the Dhammapada

Happiness fades when we cling, crave, or resist reality. Mindfulness teaches presence — to witness life without judgment or attachment.

 

Taoism

Happiness flows when we align with nature’s rhythm, not fight it. When we stop forcing outcomes, life starts moving in harmony again.

 

 

Childhood Wonder: The Forgotten Key to Happiness

Remember being five years old? You didn’t try to be happy — you just were. Every stick was a magic wand. Every puddle, an ocean. Every dream – instantly real. As children, we weren’t concerned with how we looked or what others thought. We imagined freely, loved wildly, forgave easily.

 

“Children are happy because they don’t have a file in their minds called ‘All the Things That Could Go Wrong.’” — Marianne Williamson

 

So, what happened? We traded imagination for logic. Play for productivity. Joy for “being realistic”. But the truth is – happiness thrives in freedom, creativity, and curiosity. When we reconnect with that childlike state, life becomes lighter, more magical, and infinitely more alive.

 

 

Conformity and Routine: The Silent Killers of Joy

We spend decades trying to “fit in,” only to wake up one day wondering whose life we’re actually living. As adults, we justify our stuckness with logic: “I can’t leave this job now.” “I’m too old to start over.” “People would think I’m crazy.” But as a child, you were never too old to dream. You became whatever you imagined — instantly. What if that power never left you?

The universe – that same organizing intelligence that creates galaxies and seedlings — flows through you. When you align with it, resistance fades.

Don Miguel Ruiz once reminded me to let go of the past and this illusions we all create for ourselves. “If you want to create a new life”, he said: “start from the here and now”. The moment you let go and forget about the past, you’re ready.

 

 

Willingness to Change: The Doorway to Happiness

I can hear the resistance: “But you don’t know what I’ve been through.” You’re right – no one else can walk in your shoes. But the question remains: Do you want to stay there? Pain can become part of your identity. Suffering feel like home. But happiness requires the courage to outgrow your story.

 

Ask yourself:

• What am I still holding onto that no longer serves me?
• What would my life look like if I stopped defending my pain?
• What am I willing to release to feel lighter?

 

 

Deep Questions for Self-Reflection

1. What does happiness mean to me, not my culture, family, or friends?
2. What moments in my life felt most alive and authentic?
3. What do I keep chasing that never truly satisfies me?
4. What would happen if I stopped looking for happiness and chose it now?
5. What am I grateful for that I often take for granted?

 

 

Where Our Happiness Gets Blocked

• Comparing your real life to someone else’s highlight reel.
• Clinging to old pain because it’s familiar.
• Seeking validation more than truth.
• Confusing comfort with fulfillment.
• Forgetting to play, laugh, and rest.

 

 

Habits to Help You Stay in the Happy Zone

• Reflect daily. Ask: “What went well today? What can I learn?”
• Create stillness. Silence, nature, breath — it resets your nervous system.
• Be kind. Acts of service release serotonin — nature’s happiness chemical.
• Set boundaries. Protect your peace like it’s sacred (because it is).
• Celebrate small wins. Happiness is cumulative — not occasional.

 

 

The Freedom to Create Your Own Joy

Happiness isn’t found — it’s built.
It’s not given or found — it’s chosen, moment to moment.

Happiness cannot rely on anything external – it must live inside you. And the power to choose it has always been available. You were born happy. But you learned to forget. So maybe the journey isn’t about becoming something new – it’s about remembering what you already are: whole, capable, and free.

 

 

For over 20 years, I’ve helped people rediscover that powerful inner place — their true happy place – where joy isn’t a reward, but a natural expression of who they are. From that space, they become powerful creators of their own destiny – shaping lives filled with love, freedom, and purpose.

If you’re ready to find your way back to your happiness – not the fleeting, conditional kind, but a deep, abiding happiness that feeds everything you do – then let’s begin. Send me a message at monika@exponentiallifeinternational.com and book a session with me so I can help you create the future you want.

Because happiness isn’t about anything out there… It’s a state of mind.

 

With love

Monika